Where My Girls At?

Last week a comment was made on the Little White Lion Facebook page that it looked like it was going to be another bad year for female politicians – meaning there are no good ones. Since I’m a woman, my first thought was to get pissed, but frankly I can’t disagree with it. Can you honestly think of one “poliCHICK” (yeah, that just came to me and I love it) who commands – or better yet, has truly earned – America’s respect? I can’t. And it’s important to me that I do, not only because I care about this country, but because I’ve come a long way with my own perception of female politicians. Let me explain.

I grew up in a part of the country where women were not encouraged to be involved in politics. Charlie Darwin would’ve coined the term ‘sexual-selection’ when it came to politics in my Southern hometown. My friend’s Archie Bunker-ish father liked to drop comments like, “women are too hormonal and should not be politicians.” (Little White Lie ALERT!) So the world was quite different. He didn’t know that females that reach the pinnacle of senatorial rank would actually outperform their male counterparts!

As much as I wanted to disagree, I stayed in that mindset for years because there weren’t many ladies on the ballot. It made sense to me that a polichick with raging PMS would not be capable of making sound decisions about serious shit like gun control and healthcare. I couldn’t help but think how I cope when awaiting my monthly visitor <insert visions of a blonde chick popping Midol and crying incessantly>. So for me to make rational choices now? Estrogenocide!

Despite all that, I learned that my belief about women in politics was a complete load of crap. No matter which side of the aisle you sit on, you cannot deny the reverence that politicians like Condoleezza Rice and Hilary Clinton have earned and deserve. Unfortunately though, the present (and possibly future) state of females in politics looks bleak. There are politicians in the public eye like Sarah Palin, who was most recently called “profoundly stupid” by Chris Matthews (and undoubtedly others as well). Then there’s Christine O’Donnell who has admitted to a past dalliance in witchcraft, plus has a failed campaign scandal AND a sex scandal under her belt (no pun intended) – there ain’t no rest for the wiccan!

There are varied opinions about what is really the truth in each of those situations, but my point is that there is too much questionable activity surrounding these individuals. And I’m barely scratching the surface of just one party here. But aside from the “gossip”, here’s a fact for ya:  2010 was known as the  political “Year of the Woman”, yet it yielded no net gain for women in the Senate and a net loss for women in the House for the first time since 1978.

Washington, we have a problem!

So since there are no females that really “do it” for me when it comes to politicians, I put together my own dream candidate based on some characteristics that I’d like to see in a polichick.

Kindness and Strength of CharacterSandra Bullock.
I was going to go with Mother Teresa, but she is too good for politics, so I went with Sandy.  She’s one tough lady and has my full respect for the grace in which she has dealt with her challenges. She adopted a child while dealing with the sudden shock of single motherhood and did not kick Jesse James square in the junk for his part in that – not to mention she was able to kiss Keanu Reeves without hurling. God’s SPEED to you, Sandra! (ha ha, sorry about that)

Power and influence
Oprah Winfrey.
To be honest, I don’t even like Oprah very much, yet I’m mentioning her anyway. Many of you that don’t like her either are nodding in agreement. See what I mean? That’s power. When Oprah speaks, people listen. Who convinced me I had to have that salmon-colored cashmere snuggie with a built in battery powered back massager and weather radio? Oprah did! So I hocked my car and bought it. Yep. America needs a big “O”.

IntelligenceMarilyn vos Savant.
This lady is an American magazine columnist and author who has the highest I.Q. in the world on record. I really like good writers, plus she’s the frickin’ smartest person alive, so I’m going with her. Go big or go home!

Body(yes, I’m going there because I think it’s relevant)
Ass – Amy Adams.
Have you seen her in those aviator pants playing Amelia Earhart in the movie, ‘Night at the Museum 2’? Poor Ben Stiller must have taken countless cold showers. She stays in shape and carries herself perfectly. I have booty envy. I bow to it. I am not worthy.

Arms/Midsection- Sigourney Weaver.
I can sum up this broad in two words – BAD ASS. She has the skillz to bear arms and have bare arms. I’m not making any kind of statement about gun control, I just think it’s important for a chick in office to look like she could hold her own in a bar fight. Sigourney would flat knock you OUT if you messed with her. And you could play a game of Quarters on her abs. Watch your hands, Bill Clinton!

Head – Minnie Pearl.
Ok, quit laughing, and don’t get mad – I gave you Amy Adams’ ass. I don’t think women politicians should be total knock outs and distract men to the point where they forget about what’s important and start thinking with their hanging chads! Minnie is a mature woman and would be taken more seriously, plus she has a welcoming smile and a great sense of humor. (please ignore the fact that Minnie is dead and continue with me in present tense, OK?)

I can’t mention Minnie without talking about her crazy flower hat. Sure it’s gawdy, but it shows she can laugh at herself – humility rocks! And the dangling price tag? I think she leaves it on the hat to show pride in the bargain she got – “hey, I paid $1.98 for this bitch!” She knows how to manage her money, which is another worthy yet arguably rare trait of a politician. Howdy!

Minnie said it best:  “God has a plan for all of us, but expects us to do our share of the work.” 

Amen! Let’s kick some ass, ladies.


9 responses

  1. Karen, when I said 2012 was looking like a bad year for women, it was not because I do not believe there are no good female politicians. Rather that the current national problem of blind ideoligy and disregard for what is in the national interest has promoted two disgracefully un-quallified people dangerously close to a position of imence responsibility. It is a shame that two nutjob novelty acts are being allowed to steal attention and public notice from the women who have done the work and have the experience, skills, intelligence, and ability to do the job. Your article is I think spot on.

  2. There are plenty of candidates who have said and done some stupid and ridiculous things. The bigger problem is that we have only career politicians in most cases running for office. I believe there is strong evidence that you have some very successful women CEOs who with or without PMS are doing well and making great decisions under enormous pressure, all while maintaining their family and managing their hormones. Our country at this stage of the game would be better served by electing someone who has run a business or a corporation and understands how the economy works, has tested negotiating skills, and will surround himself/herself with talented skilled people like him/her. Again the problem is most in DC are life long politicians, and we can only vote for.whoever is closest to our belief set, write in someone, or not vote at all. The last should not be an option if possible. Karen, great article!!!!!!

  3. I could not agree more with this statement, Mark:

    “Again the problem is most in DC are life long politicians, and we can only vote for.whoever is closest to our belief set, write in someone, or not vote at all.”

    I think that sums up a big part of the problem – or better yet, a symptom of the bigger problem.

    And Steve, you are right that some of these politicians are making us forget that there are many great women who are trying to make positive changes for our country.

    Thank you both for the feedback!

  4. Really, we are going to evaluate political candidates by their abs and asses? Or perhaps their ability to shove their unwarranted opinions upon us, by giving an entire studio audience cars that most can’t afford the tax and liscence fees to accept! And maybe we can hysterectamate and castrate any and all candidates to control their hormonal embalances! Finally, I pray Minnie does not roll over in her grave to hear that she is lumped with the likes of Sandra Bullock…. Both of whom, split differences with the Hatfields and McCoys!! All my Love~~Garth

    P.S. Marilyn vos Savant still has to answer to publishers! good day to you!

  5. Pingback: Why Do Women Falter in Politics When They’re Clearly More Gifted? « Little White Lion

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