I’m Bringing Lazy Back

I have only been a MOGS (Mother of a Girl Scout) for less than two years, but I have quickly learned that it can bring out the worst in people – especially during Girl Scout cookie season. The most memorable MOGS moments I have had was when our (previous) troop participated in a cookie booth last year at a local grocery store. One of our customers that day was a woman who was so unbelievably rude to our girls. She accused us of not giving her correct change (yet we did) and then stormed off taking her cookies, her attitude, and her correct change with her! It left the girls and us MOGS pretty speechless (and MAD). I love puns so I thought it would be a great time to take out some aggression on this awful customer while sticking with the Girl Scout cookie theme. Here is what I said to all the other MOGS there:

She just committed a Do Si Don’t and this troop was totally Trefoiled! Clearly she needs a Thin Mintervention or perhaps a Samoational rescue. At the very least, that woman should be Lemon Chalet Cremed. I don’t know if I want to Tagalong at this booth anymore. I am a Dulce De Mess and Thin Mintcidentally, I hope we don’t have anymore customers like that!

Dang it, I thought it was pretty clever and most of the moms did laugh (yet nervously) except for one who kind of gave me the eye roll. As I do with all people who lack a sense of humor, I ignored her. But after the booth was over, she came up to me and said she needed to discuss something with me. I assumed it about my misappropriation of Girl Scout puns, but I was wrong. She asked me if I had ever washed my daughter’s Girl Scout vest. (yeah, I know, I was thinking the same thing – WTF???) Well no, I had not washed it because I had done such a crap job of ironing on the patches that I was afraid to wash the vest for fear that they would all fall off. She then politely suggested that perhaps I could take the vest to the dry cleaners. Really? Wow, thank you for that! I then made a crazy counter proposal – maybe I could even just spot clean the vest?! She agreed that yes, this was acceptable. Woo hoo! SO glad we could figure out such a huge dilemma – what a relief, right? (so now I’m the one rolling my eyes)

In honor of my daughter’s nasty Girl Scout vest, I changed the words to one of my favorite songs – “Sexyback” by Mr. Sexy Back himself, Justin Timberlake, and emailed it to this woman so she would know that I was taking her advice very seriously. The moral of this story is – when life hands you Lemon Chalet Cremes, write a hip hop ditty and send it to the bitch!! Here it is:

I’m bringing lazy back….(yep)
You’re only jealous of my art of slack….(yep)
A clean vest doesn’t mean that you’re all that.….(yep)
I have some mad skills that you others lack….(yep)

Take it to the cleaners.

Dirty vest…
Covered with Thin Mints,
Doesn’t look its best.
Is it all cotton or is it permanent press?
Too bad this momma’s a domestic mess.

Take it to the cleaners.

Come here, vest.
Go ahead, just spot clean it
Turn it to the back.
Go ahead, just spot clean it
Smells like pee.
Go ahead, just spot clean it
Even a patch can’t cover the ick.
Go ahead, just spot clean it
Look at that filth.
Go ahead, just spot clean it
This vest looks so vile.
Go ahead, just spot clean it

Get yo’ lazy on!

 

Copyright © 2011 Little White Lion
All Rights Reserved

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25 responses

  1. OMG! This is absolutely brilliant. I just finished my first year as a Girl Scout Mom. I, too, have had to deal with other Mothers that I would NOT normally associate with. Oddly enough, the Troop leader homeschools her kids and she and her kids are the most normal ones in the group! Plus, Love me some JT all day long!!!

  2. I enjoyed that way too much. We could be good friends! OMG..my girls are grown but that took me back. I have met tight butted girl scout women and soccer moms who you woudl need a frickin tow truck to yank the banana from their derriere. I remember my daughter coming home from the girl scout leader’s house upset cuz another girl had spilled popcorn (horrors) all over their living room carpet.
    I love your SEXY BACK with the girlscout vest…btw, did you wash it again? :-p

  3. so…I’m just reading this over a year later and I found it quite clever. I would have needed to suppress the urge to kick her in the taco…so yay for you!! LOL

    What I want to know is……what was her tight- tushied response??

    • I sent the email and never heard back from her! Word from some of other MOGS was that the family was relocated to another state during the summer. I would love to believe that my bad ass rap intimated them right outta town, but I know better. It’s fun to dream though..

      • I like to think that I get people to leave town or quit their jobs, too.

        I would have been LMAO at your silly Girl Scout pun riff. Made of awesome! I have a hard time ignoring those who lack a sense of humor. I will sometimes lose sleep over the fact that nobody laughs at my jokes. While I am not a MOGS, I am a COST (Coach of Soccer Team) and I often send emails that are loaded with funny, yet met with crickets.

        Anyway, great post! 🙂

  4. Very funny! It sounds like you committed the Do Si Don’t to the Girl Scout creed by sporting a dirty vest. I have to say, I am now a two time Brownie drop-out for many of the same reasons. There definitely needs to be a “pull the stick out of your ass” try it badge. Maybe we’d still be in!

    • A “pull the stick out of your ass” try it!!!! I LOVE it. I am rolling at the thought of designing that bad boy. Can you imagine?? I knew you would understand. 😉 Thanks!

  5. That right there is the reason I refuse to let my girls join, its bad enough they talked me into dealing with the dance moms those are some crazy freaking women but not the worse from what I hhave heard from cheer hell that my friend is in with her daughter!!!! I LOVE IT!!!!

  6. So glad I am not the only evil woman who happens to be a woman/mother out there 🙂 But this — respect. Tops it all and way better than rolling around on the floor crying once the kids are in bed wondering ‘why do I CARE about this shit? But I do, I do. But I should not because I’m better than that. But I’m not. I’m a bad, bad mummy for not having matching socks for my kids. But I’m also quite a nice person with talents and intelligence.” *boo hoo boo hoo*. “Oh, sod that.” Thank you MOGS.

  7. I used to be a Girl Scout Leader – OH MY! That takes me back!! Now my girls are grown and I can’t even get any GS cookies!! I found this blog trying to find out if they are sold online!

    I’ll design the badge for “pull the stick out of your ass” try it badge. It would be momentous!!!! LOL

    • BTW – seems like a few dunks in a vat of soapy water would take care of that vest! Don’t they make them out of perma-press poly? 🙂

  8. It’s cookie time here in CT and your “article” was shared on someone’s FB page. So funny I had to share it with our entire Girl Scout Service Unit. We always joke about the Girl Scout police!! I’m thinking my older daughter can use her old uniforms for a science fair project to see which patches stay on better after washing – the iron ons, the ones with Patch Attach, Stichwitchery, hot glue gun, safety pinned or sewn. Cuz her uniform has all of the above! And no, it has never been washed. I sprayed it with Febreze and ironed it now and then to make it look fresh. I think I need to do a sewing try-it for Brownies so I no longer have to be responsible to get those bad boys on the uni. Cuz it just doesn’t look right for the leader’s daughter to be the only one sporting an empty uni! LOVE your sense of humor!

  9. Lmao! You are waaaaay more understanding than I would have been . I would have told that #$%^% exactly what part of my @#$ she could kiss! The conversation would have been interesting to say the least , lol . Guess I would have had to ask her to join me around the corner out of ear shot of the little ones, but hell they would have heard me 3 blocks away anyway . I have a zero bull shit tolerance policy . I have dealt with those kind before and they never like it when I do . Kudos to you for being able to show that much restraint for your child’s benefit !

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