Father’s Day always makes me think of many important events of my past. This year I was struck with the memory of early in my first pregnancy of receiving the book “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” from one of my mom friends. Having heard about the book in the pregnancy arena many times, I..wait for it…expected to get it as a gift. What I didn’t expect is what she said when she gave it to me. “See this book? It’s a load of crap. I want you to read it and know that nothing about being pregnant is as clear cut as what is contained in a book. Nothing about being a parent can be summed up in any kind of book either. The first rule of parenting is to trust YOU.”
Those words really struck me, all the while scaring the shit out of me. I wanted all the answers to be in one book. Doesn’t everyone?? The fact that the unknown could not be described in print made me nervous and feel inadequate before I even had a chance to actually screw up. But her words could not have been truer. I read the book and also many others through the years. The topics ranged from my role in raising a confident toddler to dealing with daughters who aren’t having their periods, yet are having intense unexplained mood swings… (please pray for me). Some of the information is helpful, absolutely, but ultimately the decisions about how best to parent lies with the parents.
(LITTLE WHITE LIE Alert!) You don’t have to read and follow the advice in a ton of books to be a good parent. How unexpected!
So while reminiscing about my first pregnancy, I couldn’t help but remember how disappointed I was with the choices in maternity fashion. And while this seems to have gotten better over the years, much of it still sucks. Do designers believe that women who already feel like they are fiercely unattractive want to wear clothing that only helps to make that a reality? These tent dresses and oversized polyester shirts are things that most of us wouldn’t wear in Size “Beach Trip Weight”! So why now? Pregnant women should feel like they are rockin’ it!
Recently on my Facebook page, I said that I wished there had been a company that made maternity t-shirts with snarky sayings when I was pregnant. Several moms said they too would’ve gladly sported one of these instead of the more typical preggerz garb. They agreed that it’s important to keep your sense of humor through this uncomfortable time! I requested suggestions for these humorous sayings and received about 100 contributions (from moms, dads and even non-breeders). The best 20 are listed below.
Today we salute the dudes who knock us up. Happy Father’s Day!
The Happy Daddy Top 20 Tank Top Booby Traps
Shoulda put a Nuva Ring on it
My husband said he would pull out, but now look at my big ass!
I know what I did last summer…
My husband knocked me up and all I got was this crappy t-shirt.
All daddy wanted was a blow job….
Preggo® – It’s in there!
What can I say? He went to Jared.
JUST DID IT
It was either this or get a real job
Mommy’s little tax deduction
Next time I’ll just ask for flowers
9 Minutes of Heaven. 9 Months of Hell.
Damn you, tequila! DAMN YOU TO HELL!
Sometimes what happens in Vegas, does NOT stay in Vegas
Who’s Your Daddy??
I didn’t want a Klondike bar THIS bad
MILF to be
Next time I’ll have a headache..
If only I had taken Katy Perry’s advice and kissed a girl
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