Raise Your Flag!

This past spring break, my husband had earned a fat discount on a hotel through work so my family took a trip to Hilton Head, SC. After a couple of days of being there with him and our two kids, I posted the following Facebook status: “I am too tired to make rational decisions, my hotel room is too crowded, and I have no cash…really spring break hasn’t changed that much from college.”   True, right? (LITTLE WHITE LIE Alert! ….No, make that a BIG one) In reality, the differences in the spring breaks of today and the spring breaks of the past are huge. And it’s the same way with all “vacations” when your kids are along versus the ones when they were not. The freedom we once had is gone just like the cash I referred to in my status update.

I spent some time thinking about this while my family was at the beach and actually found myself missing the more carefree days of my earlier years. We all have these moments. There were times when I felt better though, like when the very fine, young Portuguese pool towel boy told me that I looked “very hot”. Lucky for me, I had consumed just enough rum runners to believe that he might have meant something other than the fact that I was really sweaty. SCORE.

After I had spent enough time pining away for the days when I was less spent, I got pissed at myself. It’s not my nature to wallow in thoughts of what was. I would prefer to find something that I do have and focus on what a lucky bitch I am. The kids that I didn’t have then? Yeah, they annoy the hell out of me sometimes, but they still totally rock. I may not have the free time that I used to, but what I do have is time with them. And that’s something even a hot Portuguese pool boy cannot compete with, even with his shirt off (well unless I’ve had too many rum runners and I forget that I have kids…).

Another thing that I got to experience now that I didn’t then is pool chair flags. If you aren’t aware of the phenomenon, let me enlighten you. At the hotel where we stayed, they have these dandy flags on the lounge chairs around the pool. When you want to order something from the bar, raise your flag and a waitress takes your order and brings it out while you sit on your ass. Boom!

Raise your flag. Get a beer. Am I deserving of such a luxury? Well hell yes, I am! I’ve worked hard to reach this point in my life. I never got to have something as magical as a pool chair flag when I was younger, so you’d better believe I am going to appreciate that bad boy to the fullest.

In honor of my new discovery, I rewrote one of P!nk’s ditties. P!nk probably does not have P!ty Parties and she would probably kick my ass for even thinking about it, right? I dedicate this to appreciating any vacation you are fortunate enough to have, and to finding the freak within yourself who gets excited about a flag attached to a pool chair. Cheers!

“Raise Your Flag” – to the tune of “Raise Your Glass” by P!nk

Right right I need Coors Light
Gettin’ too hot in the bright sunlight
Beer is healing, yo.

I’m lovin’ this chair too much
Far too weary to get my ass up
Where’d that waitress go?

Kiddie splashes, my joy dashes
Call me only if you’re drownin’
Gettin’ antsy
Buzz ain’t happ’ning
This is serious…
So raise your flag when your beer’s gone
And you are la-zy
All us tired moms…we will never be, never be
Anything but loud
And we need pity…booze makes us complete
So just come on, and come on, and
Raise your flag!
Just come on and come and
Raise Your Flag!

Slam slam that beer can
What part of hurry don’t you understand?
Wish you’d just sprint out (sprint out already)
Can’t move, stuck to this spot
My bikini top is held by one weak knot
It’s still on – for now (so freakin’ on for now)

Where’s that waitress? Losin’ patience
Went on break and left me hangin’
Bitch is so slow
She’s no Flo Jo
This is serious…

So raise your flag when your beer’s gone
And you are la-zy
All us tired moms…we will never be, never be
Anything but loud
And we need pity…booze makes us complete
So just come on, and come on, and
Raise your flag!
Just come on and come and
Raise Your Flag!

Oh shit my can is empty…
that sucks!

You’re too cool for the wade pool (I mean…)
And you’re kids think you’re a fool (think you’re a fool)
Order booze and let it go
We can always, we can always
charge it to the room…

So raise your #&%*)!
So raise your flag when your beer’s gone
And you are la-zy
All us tired moms…we will never be, never be
Anything but loud
And we need pity…booze makes us complete
So just come on, and come on, and
Raise your flag!
Just come on and come and
Raise Your Flag!

Just come on and come and
Raise your flag!
Won’t you come on! and come on! and
Raise your flag!
Beer me
Just come on and come and
Raise your flag…beer me.

Copyright © 2011 Little White Lion
All Rights Reserved

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9 responses

    • Totally agree. The kids made this trip memorable – not the chair flags or looking at the hot cabana boy.. well ok, maybe him just a little. 😉

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