I’m not so much a trophy wife, I’m more of a thanks-for-participating-ribbon wife

The title of this blog is based on a very popular status update posted on the Little White Lion Facebook page. The concept resonated with a lot of peeps and I received some email about it. Everything from, “you are a trophy no matter what”, to “what the hell IS a trophy wife”, to “my asshole husband doesn’t deserve a piece of rusted metal, let alone a trophy”… you get the idea. By posting that I was not trying to diss myself but rather make fun of myself because, unlike a “trophy wife”, I am certainly not perfect.

While I am a “recovering perfectionist” (translation: I gave up on that crap), I do try my best to keep me, the house and everything and everyone in it, in order. Despite my efforts, overall I remain a domestic mess. When that coil thingie in my oven broke, I wanted to throw a party! Not because I actually ever use my oven, but because all the pressure was off to even try to use it. But it gets worse. Recently, my kids were at my mother-in-law’s house and saw her ironing board sitting out in her laundry room. They asked me what it was!! (OOPS ..oh aren’t they just precious playing a joke like that, ha ha haaaaa….meh) So, you get the picture.

I don’t beat myself up too much about my failures as a domestic goddess. I believe in going with what you’re good at and capitalizing on it as best you can. We all have our talents that make each of us the bomb diggity. It’s rewarding to put your focus here and own it! At the very least, be proud of your strengths and feel good about the little things that set you apart from others.

This morning, one of my kids asked me, “do you think I’m pretty?” I told her yes but said the better question was, “do YOU think you’re pretty?” In addition to recognizing their gifts, I’m trying to teach my girls to be their best affirmers. If you depend on others to pump your ego, let’s face it, you’re screwed. One day I will share with my daughters my personal daily affirmation which is a twist on the Stuart Smalley classic from Saturday Night Live:

“I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me…but if you don’t like me, you can kiss my ass!”

For now, I’ll settle for sharing a short ditty that is about my ass, all in the spirit of being your own #1 champion. A few years ago, I discovered a beautiful thing called a velour track suit. Not cotton, not spandex.. velour. Something about this fabric magically transforms my mediocre ass into something more spectacular. And who doesn’t like that, baby?! Because of this, I went out and bought 6 track suits; same brand, same cut, different colors but all velour. A few of my friends made fun of the fact that I chose velour (mixed with a little elASStic as I like to call it because it’s earned the title)… Why not cotton? Well velour is cotton, but more luscious. I may not be the perfect “trophy wife” but dammit, I can rock a velour track suit! Here is my tribute.

“Just Like Cotton” – to the tune of “Just Like Heaven” by The Cure

Show me, show me, show me
Your boo-ty magic
80% cotton weave
She said
Track pants made in China
She said
They turn this mom into a MILF
Show me that elASStic
And I promise you
I promise that, my bum will a-maze you
My bum will a-maze you

Ve-lour
Soft and fuzzy
Ve-lour
Wash with colors only
Ve-lour
Just like cotton

Copyright © 2011 Little White Lion
All Rights Reserved

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26 responses

  1. You just said my life too,almost to a T….I wear what I like,standard uniform..Jeans,(not baggy…not a good look for me!!lol),and a singlet type top,jacket added as needed,I also try to keep all in order in the house hold….and am far from perfect at it…as I say…how many of ME to you see?Order is something that eludes me most of the time..seems one step forward…several steps back,being Perfect!!!…wouldn’t THAT be boring!!..just sayin!!

  2. Here, here. My only child, Connor is 18 months. I have been married for nearly 2 years and I think my sink has been empty 4 times. My iron has stagnant water in it and if something is wrinkled I splash it with water and shove it back in the dryer.

  3. I love this! I, too, am a funny lyricist, and you just made me snort! The velour track suits ROCK. Just please please please don’t walk around with ‘JUICEY’ in gothic letters written on your booty. Please.

    And, I gave you an award. No, it’s not a real award, per se, but it’s one of those blogger’s choice things. I love your Facebook crap and I love your blog. If you want to accept the award, just click below:

    The Crunchy (Grouchy) Mommy – mommyiscrunchy.blogspot.com

  4. Love the “do you think YOU think you’re pretty”? I teach, and definitely use that sort of phrasing to help students become more confident and value their own opinions. Another trick is just saying things you notice (wow, your shirt has a lot of stripes, your shoes are so red, your binder is very organized) and then they come up with their own interpretation – which should be that they like what they have done/picked out etc…

    I also love the Stuart Smalley affirmation reference. And I”m stealing your elASStic terminology.

  5. “Recovering perfectionist”… yep! Whether it’s our bodies, our minds, or the way we do things, how ’bout we let “good enough” be just that… plenty good enough!!! Seems those of us so afflicted (with the perfectionist disease) keep passing that perfectionism on to the next generation, who passes it to the next! (http://EmpoweringForChange.com)

  6. Well i am soooooo!!!! glad there are other woman out there JUST LIKE ME!!!!!!! thank you for sharing i am domestically challenged and always thought i was the only one. So i am whats known as a thanks for participating wife ok i can live with that!. But yes i am also a perfectionist when i do a task i need to do it well and put in the hard yards to make it just right and up to my standards.

  7. My husband, being the best enabler of my domestic lazy-slackass-dom ever, just bought me my SECOND Roomba. He says it’s to better keep up with the Dawg hair but I know it’s because it gets him out of doing the floors too. I heart that man!!

  8. This is hilarious, I LOVE the title and am not considering for one second any deeper meaning! I miss my perfectly fitting, ass-enhancing brown velour tracksuit that I bought as part of a costume but ended up wearing until it went threadbare. I wish that I would buy more of something that looks good. Wise, lady, wise!

    For order in the house, which I’m nowhere near perfect at either (sigh, as I look at my desk), I swear by “Flylady”. If you can get past the corniness of the website and some of the non-feministy-type language then her message is brilliant and bloody useful.

  9. I will go a step further and say there are days where I do absolutely nothing…. I am on call 24/7/365 and dang it all i deserve a day off now and then….. of course I pay for the next day but sometimes it is worth it. Either being a stay at home Mom or a Working one “we” are always doing something. And for those of you whom have husbands/bf that actually pitch in help more power to you and a big hoorah BUT I think you have found the anomoly not the norm. Keep on keeping on gf 🙂

  10. Are you actually ME? Cuz I swear we are leading identical lives… LOL I too am a mom, I stay home with my kids, I’m a domestic mess, have a variety of talents, a recovering perfectionist, and just trying to keep everything from becoming too much of a total mess… LOL Keep on blogging for me, will ya? 😀 ❤

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